5 Ways A Doula Can Support Your Spouse or Partner
If you are considering doula support for your pregnancy, labor and delivery, you might be wondering how a doula might interact with your spouse, partner or main support person. Maybe you are confident in the value of doula support, but your spouse is skeptical. Some people have the misconception that a doula is “in charge” of the birth experience and will push everyone else to the back corner of the room while they support the laboring mother. Other people feel confident in their ability to support their spouse in labor, and wonder what a doula could possibly add to the experience. Some people are completely against a “stranger” being in the room while they welcome their baby. Whatever the case may be, there are a lot of valid concerns that may cross the mind of a spouse if their partner is considering doula support, but in reality there are many things that a doula can do to support both parents during pregnancy, labor and delivery.
#1: A doula can supply information and educational resources.
A trained doula is exceptionally knowledgeable in all things pregnancy and birth, including the process of physiological birth, common interventions, common procedures, recovery from vaginal birth or cesarean, breast and bottle feeding, and more. Due to their hands-on experience learning about these things and supporting families, many doulas have a trusted list of print and online resources that they go to for their own education, but also to help educate clients. The amount of resources can sometimes be overwhelming for couples to navigate, but a doula can support a spouse in pointing them to evidence-based and reliable information and educational resources to reduce overwhelm, and so that the spouse can feel involved in things like the process of pregnancy, preparation for birth, and what to expect their partner to be going through when in labor.
#2: A doula can be an unbiased and non-judgemental sounding board for questions and concerns.
Anyone who has ever been to the doctors office for a checkup knows that sometimes you are rushed in and out the door before you get a chance to recall any questions or concerns you had going into the appointment. Oftentimes, the same thing happens when you are pregnant. While a doula cannot give medical advice, administer tests or interpret results, they might help answer basic questions that you or your spouse forgot to ask at your last doctors appointment, things like “when should I start drinking red raspberry leaf tea and eating dates?” or “what happens if I fail the 1 hour glucose test for gestational diabetes?”. A doula can help answer questions like these between appointments, and also help you formulate questions to ask if there is anything you are concerned or hesitant about when it comes to prenatal care or care at the hospital while in labor. A doula can also help facilitate discussions between you and your spouse in the delivery room for decisions about your care.
#3: A doula can offer a second set of hands for physical comfort measures.
Four hands are better than two! Especially when it comes to physical support during labor. Sometimes you need the showerhead aimed at your back, AND pressure on your knees while you’re sitting on a birth ball. A spouse or partner can provide intimate physical support such as getting in a bath or shower, hugging or holding the laboring mom or even laying with them in bed; in these scenarios, a doula can provide additional support with massage, counter-pressure, hot or cold therapy, or a TENS unit. Sometimes multiple comfort measures are needed, and having a doula present can ensure that the laboring mom experiences the utmost comfort as she copes through contractions.
#4: A doula can ensure everyone’s basic needs are being met during labor.
Labor can be long, and can happen during the day, night, or over multiple days and nights. Having a doula present can give the spouse or partner a moment to take care of their own needs - such as rest or nourishment - while also making sure the laboring mom has someone by her side. The continuous support from a doula ensures that mom will not be left alone while her spouse takes a nap, gets something to eat, steps out to update family, or even leave the hospital if there are other children that need tended to at home.
#5: A doula can offer follow-up support and resources as parents transition to new life with a baby (or babies).
Welcoming a new baby - whether you’re a first or second time parent (or more) - can be an emotional and exhausting transition for both parents. A doula will check in during the new postpartum phase to make sure that everyone is adjusting to their new normal, and help point parents to resources they might need for themselves or their baby. A doula can also help facilitate conversations between spouses and help them discuss things like sharing the responsibilities, infant feeding, and communication with one another. A doula can also help a spouse understand the recovery process after delivery, what to expect and how they can best be of help at home.
While there is no substitute for a spouse, life-partner, or even a parent of a laboring mom, a doula is a knowledgeable and compassionate professional who can offer valuable support to both parents during pregnancy, labor, delivery and beyond. For a spouse that is skeptical about doula support, it can be helpful to understand the scope of a doula, and how much doula support can benefit them as well as their laboring partner.